WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
