ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
