My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
