Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
