I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize