I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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