My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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