cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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