now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
