I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
