i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
