i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
