She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
