waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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