seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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