i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
