So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
