he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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