So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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