apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
