im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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