My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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