I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
