I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
