I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
