you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
