I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
