you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
