woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
