and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made out with two different species that night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
