I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
