I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
