It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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