I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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