Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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