I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
