Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
