Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
