its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
