All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
