and she was petting her beer can
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
