my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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