at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
