Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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