How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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