remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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