I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
