Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
