so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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