i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
