Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
