his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
