I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
