so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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