I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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