Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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