how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
