I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
