there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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