Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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