I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
