I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
