He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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