Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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