Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
