I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize