My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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