he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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