Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
