forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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