Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
