Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
