So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize