Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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