youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
