I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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