im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
