It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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