woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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