...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just had sex bonerless
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
