i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
