I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
