you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
