my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
