I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
