I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
