get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
