Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
