I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
