i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize