She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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